The most popular mall in America is the Mall of America. This mall has endless options to shop with 520 stores. There are also many different places you can eat with 50 different restaurants.
They have great entertainment including a movie theater, an aquarium, escape room, Crayola Experience, and an amusement park inside the mall. The amusement park has 24 rides including a roller coaster that goes around the enclosed atrium of the mall. The aquarium holds 1.2 million-gallons and has sharks, stingrays, giant sea turtles, and many other creatures. There is a glass tunnel that can go from one end of the aquarium to the other, which is around the same length as a football field.
The Mall of America is huge so in case you ever get lost they have these directories that show you where to go.
Here are some more facts about the Mall:
The Mall of America can also be called the MOA.
The MOA is the largest mall in the U.S. it has more than 2,779,242 million feet of shops, entertainment, and restaurants.
This mall is one of the most visited tourist destinations in the world, as it annually attracts over 40 million visitors.
It first opened in 1992, which was on the site of something previously called Metropolitan Stadium, where the Minnesota Vikings and Twins teams once played.
Around 4 out of 10 visitors that go to the Mall of America are tourists. Almost more than twice as many people as the world’s largest amusement park, the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World have visited the MOA.
Some of the original plans for this mall included an indoor submarine ride and a convention center, but all of these plans later were eliminated due to cost. It was co-developed by the Ghermezian family who lived in Edmonton, Canada. This family also developed the largest shopping mall in North America called the West Edmonton Mall.
The MOA is very large so if you’re visiting it might be nice to request a free visitors kit before you go.
*Note: The following is a satirical take on the release of Switch 2 teaser.
Photo of Elon Musk by Debbie Rowe via Wikimedia Commons
WASHINGTON, D.C. – On Thursday, January 16, Nintendo posted a teaser for a new upcoming console, alongside the company’s international affiliates. Roughly 2 minutes in length, the video showcased the Nintendo Switch 2: a successor to the soon-to-be 8-year-old system of the same name.
Notable for both its physical and internal upgrades, many astute fans of the original Switch have noted its needed – albeit simple – updates to its older brother. While controversies have risen due to these occasionally-minor changes, many have agreed upon feeling relief and excitement about the console’s acknowledgement. A follow-up direct, focused on software is slated for April 2, 2025.
Around the same time, however, came the inauguration of now-president Donald J. Trump, seceding the former Joe Biden. Also mired in controversy, the election’s collision course has coincided with the console’s public reveal, leaving some to connect the 2 in various ways – most of all, the Presidents.
“I saw [the trailer] the Friday after – yeah, it was cool,” said Trump, immediately following a press conference in Atlanta. “I was like, ‘Vance, did you see this?’ And he was like ‘Yeah,’ and we fist-bumped. I dunno, man […] but I thought the new Joy-Cons were sick. Larger, too. I was talking to Joe ‘bout it a week later; he was tripping too. Did these (gestures) hand…things. Yeah. I was like, ‘Hunter would love this,’ and he laughed, and agreed. Hunter loves Mario; he’s so cool.”
Now-former President Biden was also open to an interview.
“Donnie and I had gotten off a meeting when the trailer dropped; some real good [explicative]. I was less enthused at first, really: I saw Donkey Kong’s new redesign during the ‘Mario Kart’ segment and was like ‘Damn, this too?’ Then Trump came over to my place and we played ‘8 Deluxe’ for a while…felt good. Felt better. Kamala was excited, too – did a backflip over her desk. Favorite reveals? Shoot, uh […] like, maybe the, tch, backwards compatibility? Y’know, being able to play my Switch library at launch is a treat. Gotta do a run of my favorite, uh, Switch game: ‘Balan Wonderworld’.” (Note: immediately following the latter-most statement, former President Biden was lobbed in the head with a snowball).”
While these 2 men proved satisfied with the new system’s reveal, other political figures – including some close with the country leaders – were less than optimistic about the trailer.
“It’s [explicative], pardner,” said Elon Musk, in the process of bathing himself with the blood of a sheep when we interviewed him. “Jus’ trash all-‘round. I’m happy for…you know, I’m happy fer those excited, but like, really? After 8 years o’ buildup, we git some gall-darn magnets for them controllers?! Y’all need some bett’r standerds. Rattlesnake tumbleweed cactus.”
With the division with Trump’s republican cabinet apparent, some citizens question whether or not a feud will brew from inside – and possibly spill out into the rest of the US. It’s been close to 200 years since our country’s first Civil War, and in our current day and age, political events and conspiracies have led to heated debate between sectors of the 50 states.
Whether or not the Nintendo Switch 2’s existence will culminate in a new Civil War is yet to be said, but until then we can only speculate, both on the system and our country’s political affairs. Only 1 thing’s certain, however: if this new console has any form of Joy-Con drift again, I think the nukes are gonna drop.
The Coalition was able to take the Hoshiran capital by August, but their forces couldn’t go much further. They too were just as outstretched as the Great Terrans. That would change when news arrived that a large naval force had just landed on the shores of the Lunarian continent.
The Vaserians had just landed on Oprica.
The Vaserians took over the shores of occupied Oprica on August 15th. With most of the Jupitan occupiers being sent to fight in Sapan, the Vaserians were able to take over the entire country in a matter of days with little resistance. The Vaserian entrance to the war was a surprise to many, and there would be further surprises as the Vaserian military continued to land on the shores of occupied Lunarian states.
The 20th of August saw the Vaserian Mage Corps and the Marines landed on Casikee, successfully returning the capital back to its Casikan people as the roars of VF-6s shook the skies above. With the arrival of the Vaserians, the occupied nations of Lunaria rose up against the Jupitans, overwhelming them as the Vaserians trekked more and more into the continent.
August 23rd, the Vaserians finally made the push to join the Coalition and with it, guaranteed the Coalition the needed victory to end the war. With Vaseria now officially a part of the Coalition, other nation states from the Vaserian continents joined and with their entry, saw a flow of new troops from the Vaseria sent to every front of the war.
“Vaserian M2 Strucker tank during the Second Battle of Ulyse, Koldr c. June 9th, 1956”
By October of 1956, the war had completely changed, the Sapanese were able to retake its capital, and Koldr, the first to fall, regained its sovereignty, and the Jupitans were now fighting on the homefront. All that was needed to finally bring the world to peace again was something really big to happen, and that came with the arrival of shooting stars. Man made shooting stars.
SHOOTING STARS
In 1949, the Vaserian Federation, in secret, began the development of a new type of weapon that would harness the power of nuclear fission with arcerium to create an explosion never seen before. The weapon would be placed into a warhead, and transplanted onto newly developed intercontinental ballistic missiles for increased range.
In 1953, the first detonation of the weapon, now nicknamed as “Star” was conducted, an explosive yield of 10 million tons of TNT.
In 1954, ten stars were built and operational with more to follow.
In 1955, Anne Hall is advised by the Office of Secret Security (OSS) to not use the stars until they make land in Jupita.
November 5, 1956, Anne Hall is told by the OSS to use 10 of the 24 ICBMs at specific targets in Great Terra.
November 6, 1956, 10 stars were launched from their silos.
The following are the impacted targets:
Hellica, the capital of Jupita, was the first to be hit by the stars; it destroyed half of the city, and caught Emperor Treijon himself in the initial blast.
New Olapi City, Jupita
Veldpal, Epreau
Gunfang, Hoshira
Songfei, Hoshira
Sakunn, Jupita
Falei, Jupita
Lunbai, Epreau
Raikou, Epreau
Rinyan, Hoshira
THE NEW WORLD
On the eleventh hour, on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, in the capital city of the first nation to fall, was the signing of a treaty of peace between the Tectonic Coalition and Great Terra. The Treaty of Ulyse put an end to the deadliest war the world had ever seen, over 100 million souls were lost in eight years. Great Terra was no more, but the world before it came with it.
Jupita lost all of the territories it gained from the war, and had to pay reparations to the nations affected by its wrath. The Lunarian continent returned to peace as it was rebuilt with Vaserian loans.
In Kyusia, it was not Hoshira who saw the loss of land, but the Kingdom of Sapan. Princess Chiyo, now queen of Sapan, saw to reward her people, but more importantly, the ethnic minorities who remained loyal to the crown. Her reward was to allow them to choose to stay within the Sapanese realm, or be free.
January 12th, 1957, the Kingdom of Arcana was formed, and on the following day, the Republic of Otrya. It wouldn’t be until March 27th, for the final state to secede from the realm, that being the Kingdom of Kayusa.
“Map of western Kyusia c. 2047”
Eusona, following the war, was not a pleasant sight. Because of how far the technological gap was for Eusonan nations, many could not bear the weight of post-war clean up. In 1957, the Kalavian civil war (1957-1962) began when the socialist government refused to return back to a democracy, and it split the nation into two; the eastern half belonged to the People’s Republic of Kalavia while the west belonged to the Republic of Kalavia.
“Map of West and East Kalavia”
What remained of the Cazar Empire was split up into multiple nation states following its civil war that ended in the 70s, Eraki, Yuzakstan, Yusan, Baniera, Edeon, Eani, Kirstistan, and Xana.
The Kirston Empire, despite being victors of the war and liberators of the Valkyrie Peninsula, found itself with a destroyed nation. Millions of ethnic Nexens were wiped out at the hands of the Cazars. They were, for many generations, the backbone of Kirston society, and with their loss came the empire’s economic troubles.
In 1957, to cope with their economic struggles, the empire sold away parts of its territory as sovereign nations, Envoa and Litho. Although there was some peace for the Kirstons, the ambitions of many hardlined nationalists saw the nation at war again, this time as the invaders in The Grants War (1970-1973).
“An Envoan Special Forces operative posing for a camera crew during an extraction in the mountains of Kirsto, circa April 2nd, 1973.”
Vaseria soon cemented itself as one of few superpowers of the world with the use of its arcerium weapons, and soon enough the rest of the world appeared to have begun their own arcerium weapons program to compete for superpower status.
But the world was at relative peace now that the war, or the Continentals War as coined by the media, had ended, and that was all that mattered in the end.
WAR NEVER CHANGES BUT THE WORLD DOES
The start of the 21st century saw a Cold War begin between the Vaserian Federation and their PATO allies, against the Democratic Union of Kavara and their CDP puppet states. And in 2023, the Second Continentals War began between the two superpowers, but it ended as soon as it was declared, when the Arcerium Rising event occurred and a tense peace insured.
It is now 2049, the world is on the brink of total war between Vaseria and Kavara, and with the civil war in Arcasia becoming more worrisome, it is now up to the people of Earth to decide the fate of this world.
The EA-6B Prowler is an Electronic Warfare aircraft and was built by Northrop Grumman. The Prowler uses an A-6 Intruder airframe and was used in the Navy and Marines.
What is Electronic Attack?
Electronic Attack is used for tactical jamming and is also called Electronic Warfare or EW. The EA in EA-6B Prowler stands for Electronic Attack. The Prowler can disrupt enemy radar and radio communications. What makes the Prowler unique is that it can jam ground signals like mobile phones, garage openers and most importantly, improvised explosive devices or IED. Since it can jam IEDs and prevent them from detonating it makes the troops on the ground much safer with a higher success rate on their missions. The Prowler was so powerful that the Pentagon made sure that no U.S. aircraft carriers went into battle without the Prowler. “Since the Prowler technology was so advanced, the Pentagon had the technology and pilots classified,” said Capt. David Woods.
History
During the Vietnam War there were many anti aircraft weapons and the U.S. kept losing planes to them so Northrop Grumman made the A-6B Prowler to have 4 seats instead of 2. There would be 1 pilot and 3 electronic warfare officers, or EWO.
Naval Air Station Whidbey Island is known to be the home of Electronic Warfare. NAS Whidbey Island would receive the first EA-6B Prowler in 1971. The EA-6B Prowler was first put into squadron VAQ-129 for Fleet Replacement testing, then VAQ-132, or the Scorpions, for deployment. Then, later on, they would deploy the EA-6B Prowler to Vietnam in 1972.
But the first EA-6A was first brought to the Marines for Electronic Attack in December 1965. The EA-6A is an A-6 Intruder and unlike the EA-6B of having 4 seats, it has 2 seats. The avionics for Electronic Attacks were much smaller than the EA-6B Prowler. The Navy took 3 EA-6A from the Marines and made it into the EA-6B. Once the EA-6B Prowler was made, the Marines retired the EA-6A and serviced the EA-6B Prowler.
The Navy first retired the Prowler on May 27th, 2015 and transitioned the Prowler to the E/A-18G Growler which is an F-18F Super Hornet with more advanced jamming. The Marines retired their Prowler in March 2019 and also transitioned to the Growler.
Not only was the Prowler deployed in the Vietnam War but it also was deployed in Syria, Afghanistan, and Iraq. The Prowler was also deployed in the Invasion of Grenada and Operation El Dorado Canyon. During Operation Desert Storm, 39 Prowler were deployed in the Gulf War and fired up to 150 HARM-88 missiles, and came back with no losses.
Avionics
AN/ALQ-218 Tactical Jamming System Receiver
AN/USQ/-113 Communication Jamming System
At the top of the tail is an antenna that receives radar and radio signals.
Armament
The Prowler can have up to:
4x AGM-88 HARM Anti Radiation Missiles
5x 300 Gallon External Drop Tank
5x AN/ALQ-99 Tactical Jamming System External Pods
AN/ALE-43 Chaff Dispense System Pod
AN/AAQ-28 Litening Pod
Aircraft Specification
Length: 59 feet
Height: 16 feet
Wing Span: 53 feet
Wing Folded: 25 feet
Maximum Take off Weight: 61,500 pounds
Thrust: 11,200 pounds per engine 22,400 total
Airspeed: Max .99 or 659 mph / cruise .72 Mach or 481 mph
This is a picture of a bird/woodpecker I made. I made the woodpecker because I wanted to draw something different and cool. Also, I drew it because there are lots of birds in the world, and I saw one outside a window and wanted to draw one.
In this drawing, I used a pencil to make the bird and tree trunk, then I went over it with an ultra-fine Sharpie. After, I colored in the drawing with markers.
I really like how my first drawing of a bird turned out. My favorite part about the picture is the pecked trunk; I really like how it looks with the bird.
One area I could improve is the color, perhaps by adding more color to the bird. Overall, I think it looks very good.
For my next drawing, I will make a bird or something else that is cool, but it will probably be next school year.
Oxford has recently announced “brainrot” as the word of 2024. But what is brainrot? Well, the dictionary defines brainrot as “the supposed deterioration of a person’s mental or intellectual state, especially viewed as the result of overconsumption of material considered to be trivial or unchallenging”.
The term brainrot is not a recent term. The word has been used for over 20 years. Originally, brainrot was used to describe the use of email. According to Theguardian.com, email’s “constant cognitive overload had a more negative effect than taking cannabis, with IQs of participants dropping an average of 10 points.” If email can have such drastic effects, it’s hard to imagine how damaging short form online content and electronic devices such as smartphones can be.
Over the past couple of years more and more information has come to light about the effects of consuming large quantities of short form content. Institutions such as the University of Oxford and Harvard Medical School have found that consuming this content in large quantities can shorten our attention spans, weaken memory, and mess with our cognitive processes.
According to Dr. Gloria Mark, a professor at the University of California, attention spans have drastically shortened over the past 20 years. In 2004 the average attention span was 150 seconds, by 2012 the average was 75, and by 2018 it was down to 47 seconds. This massive decline is partly due to the rise of social media.
According to Theguardian.com, the average Gen Z teenager in the UK has an average screen time of somewhere between 5 ½ and 6 ½ hours every day, with the average adult spending 4 hours online every day.
Doomscrolling is a somewhat newer phenomenon. Doomscrolling is defined as, “the excessive consumption of short-form videos or social media content for an excessive period of time without stopping.” The term began to gain popularity in 2020 partly due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
Doomscrolling is a form of internet addiction. An estimated 31% of Americans doomscroll on a regular basis. This increases greatly among young people with an estimated 51% of Gen Z addicted. Social media plays a significant role, allowing users to infinitely scroll through short form videos uninterrupted.
Multiple medical institutions have found that doomscrolling can worsen depression and anxiety. Overall, doomscrolling and brainrot have contributed to worsening mental health among teens and adults. It might be time to put down your phone.
If you want to learn more about the effects of social media, please go to:
July 5th, 1953, Coalition forces enacted Operation Lone Passage to invade Ostera through the Lapish channel, with a combined force of 150,000 strong. The Kirston airship Spirit of Eve is allowed to be used in the operation, using its ability to launch aircraft during flight to guarantee the Coalition air superiority over Ostera.
“Visual invasion of Ostera during Operation Lone Passage”
With the Coalition landing on the shores of Ostera, Emperor Treijon sends Army Group Aster, to reinforce the Osterans and halt the invasion in its tracks. Prior to the initial landings, the Coalition touched base with separatist groups in the region, who agreed to support their invasion if the Coalition guaranteed the independence of the Lapland regions. With their backing, the Coalition was able to move through the Lapland region with ease, allowing them to strike deep within Osteran territory.
By August 25th, Coalition forces were able to secure the southern coastline of Ostera, but the entry of Jupitan reinforcements led to the halt of their invasion. General Thor, the commander of the Jupitan invasion of Sapan, and the man in charge of Army Group Aster, was sent to the Osteran front to put an end to the Coalition invasion.
“Photo of a Kirston Soldier with their identification armband”
Fierce fighting between the seasoned Jupitan army and hardened Coalition forces ensued in the cities and forests of Ostera, but as the fighting prolonged into the winter of December, the seasoned Jupitan army began to show its cracks. After years of fighting, the Jupitans became overwhelmed by the extent of its forces, and the new front only caused it to stretch even further.
December 20, 1953, General Thor and his remaining army of 4,000 troops were encircled in the Silver Forest by an encircling Coalition force of 7,000, cutting them off from the nearest Terran stronghold in the region. When Treijon receives news of one of his greatest generals being encircled, he decides that it was time to reveal his newest weapon.
It was to be released on the night of the 24th of December.
SIDE BY SIDE
Gripping the stock of his rifle, the lone Jupitan marches alone in the darkness of the snow covered forest. His comrades had already passed not too long ago.
The sounds of distant gunfire are followed by a haunting roar that fills the forest. They were unlucky enough to encounter the beast of the forest.
Marching through the snow, the Jupitan halts in his tracks, looking back at the creeping darkness of the forest. His gaze met eye-to-eye with the creeping beast.
He closes his eyes as the beast lept from the snow, he tries as hard as he can to fetch a good memory before he can remember no more.
A quick snap of the rifle fells the beast to the snow. Opening his eyes, the Jupitan is met by a singular soldier, on their arm was the flag of Orbesjka. The two soldiers exchange looks, their uniforms may be different, but their goal of survival wasn’t.
The two trek through the forest together, hiding when the roars of another beast fill the night air and resting when needed. When the sun’s basking heat covered the forest, the two soldiers were found back to back against one another, sharing a sigh of relief as the horrors of the night faded away.
“A soldier’s sketch of the monster following the attack.” c.1953
MAN MADE HORRORS
Treijon green lights the use of a new chemical agent, spiritus, on the Coalition forces encircling General Thor. The chemical agent was designed to turn those affected by it into bloodthirsty monsters, by overstimulating the body with arsoulium.
Arsoulium is often used as a “miracle” drug to slow down the rate of cancer cells while giving its users quick access to their magic abilities, but it is dangerous in large doses. Individuals become unnaturally aggressive and aware of their surroundings, which would be exploited in Jupita’s new weapon.
On the night of December 24, 1953, Jupitan planes released spiritus over Coalition lines in the cover of a snowstorm to avoid the interception of Coalition aircrafts. However the harsh winds of the storm blew the chemical agent towards the encircled Jupitans, resulting in utter chaos on all sides.
The night turned into a bloody affair, as both Coalition and Jupitan forces banded together against their former friends and foes. When day broke, what remained of the two armies in the area were brittle, down to only a couple thousand. General Thor and what remained of his army retreated from the region, leaving only the Coalition being left to clean up the remaining monsters.
The use of such a weapon was horrific in nature, and caused a global outcry against Great Terra, but to Treijon, he saw it as a means to an end.
SIX YEARS OF WAR AND MORE TO COME
At the beginning of the war, it was Great Terra who were the victors of the battlefield, but now, after six years of constant warfare, it was the Tectonic Coalition that began to take their place.
On February 5, 1954, Coalition forces captured the Osteran capital city, Lindel, and established a provisional government as well as forming a Lapland republic on the following day. With the Osterans out of the way, the Coalition pushed eastward into the territories of Hoshira, besieging its capital by June.
“The invasion of Hoshira visualized”
There was a small Coalition invasion of Epreau on the 2nd of May, the Molivians invaded to capture the Epreaun capital, Svarn City. This however was partially successful, the Molivians did take a lot of ground leading up to the capital, and were even able to take some sections of the city, but it all stagnated when both sides limited the use of artillery and aircraft in fear of civilian casualties.
But on the bright side for the Great Terrans, the Jupitan Fall Offensive was successful in taking back the western coastline of Sapan, but this however was a double edged sword. The offensive cost them tons of vehicles, ammunition, and supplies that they couldn’t replenish, but Great Terra knew that the Coalition was also in the same predicament.
“The Fall Offensive”
The Great Terrans were on borrowed time, and that time was going to become way shorter due to a situation happening beyond the Pacific. 1954 was not only an important year of the war, but a very important one for a specific nation, the Vaserian Federation, due to it being election year.
THE NATION ACROSS THE POND
When the war first began, many Vaserians pondered on whether the Vaseria needed to intervene in a conflict so far away, but this has since gone away when Great Terra invaded the neutral states of the Eusonan continent, with many seeing it more of a reason to intervene before it comes close to home.
1954, was the election year for Vaseria, and the war across the pond became a hot issue for its candidates. There were two major candidates on the ballot, Anne Hall, a former decorated officer of the Vaserian Mage Corps during the Great Vaserian War and prominent supporter of the Tectonic Coalition, and Mariane Thoa, an actor turned politician who wanted to keep Vaseria’s ambitions within its borders.
When the votes were accounted for on November 10th, it would appear that Anne Hall had won the election with 56.4% of the votes, which was a huge victory for the Coalition as they now had the industrial powerhouse soon to be on their side, but this win would only embolden the already demoralized Jupitans.
January 30th, 1955, a date which will live in infamy. The Vaserian Federation was suddenly and deliberately attacked by chemical weapons, created by the terror state of Great Terra. The capital city, Sukuyo, and the newly elected queen was the target of these attacks, and although the queen did survive, it left the nation scarred and shying away from matters on the war. Or so it would seem.
(This article was written a week prior to the events transpiring in the ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’ article. Spoilers are also included).
Hey guys, welcome back to JOYSTiCK Reviews, and by golly-gosh, I sure do love being currently alive and free! It’s such a benign feeling; it’s as if I have… rights. Hope nothing changes within the next few days to possibly reverse my current elation.
Of course, the subsequent step to continue this high is to find a way to break apart reality so that way I don’t have to let my mortal form hold my soul hostage from true joy. Now, normally someone like me, Mr. Whatshisname, should go about this through, say (chuckles), the irreparable-breakdown of known physics or whatever, but unfortunately for still-human me, that’s not possible. So, I suppose I’ll have to compromise through virtual simulation. What am I talking about? Why, it’s the video game ‘Portal.’
‘Portal’ is a game released by Valve in 2007, commonly-cited as among the greatest video games made during the 2000’s. The premise consists of the player character being a testing subject for a fictional Portal Gun, allowing the use of teleportation through orange and blue portals (doy). Through this new tool, the object of the game is to complete 19 levels, each with their own puzzles and hazards to overcome.
In the game, portals work as follows: the player gets up to 2 at a time, an orange and a blue portal. They connect to each other, being shot out of the gun to a nearby wall. Then, the player can walk, jump, or fall through. Momentum is carried through if entered through vertical ascension or descension, allowing for further mobility.
In addition to the Portal Gun, you can also pick up and place certain objects, jump, and press buttons. These combined features open up a plethora of concepts that’ll often make you scratch your head at first, then eventually learn and adapt to. ‘Portal’ is one of those rare games who’s mechanics differ from what the human mind is adjusted to in real life; we don’t have teleportation, and the technology present in the game is entirely fictional as of now. This means that any new player will have to take time figuring out the game’s mechanics, which is quite beautiful.
‘Portal’s’ puzzles are great, and it’s clear the developers at Valve had plenty of ideas while making the game. 19 levels doesn’t sound like a lot (and it isn’t, more on this later), but each has intricacies that require full concentration and dedication to figure out the Portal system as a whole. Heck, mastering moving and portal momentum allows skipping some parts of levels entirely, a great way to reward those who put in the work.
I do think that the penultimate level, among another few, are pretty tedious to complete, but it’s always satisfying to reach the elevator at the end of each. The final level, however, is easily ‘Portal’s’ best. To explain, let’s dive into ‘Portal’s’ story; spoilers ahoy!
The game’s plot is simple: you’re a test subject named Chell who awakens deep inside Aperture Science Laboratory. You’ve been tasked to complete 19 puzzles in order to test out their new Portal Gun, with the promise of cake at the end.
As you complete levels, the omnipotent voice over the loudspeaker becomes more and more deranged, if still playful. You also experience various strange moments throughout your misadventures – a couple of stages feature broken, disheveled holes in the walls leading to behind-the-scenes lab equipment. Bloody writing from past test subjects also appears, stating, “THE CAKE IS A LIE.”
Finally, after finishing level 19 the voice attempts to kill off the player in a room of lava, but you escape and explore the rest of the lab’s interiors. Abandoned, you’re taunted by the voice until escaping, reaching a large room where GLaDOS lives: a self-aware AI who’s been the one over the loudspeaker since the beginning. Angered by your escape, you fight, dismantling her “personality spheres” by throwing them in a fiery vat and killing her.
The game ends with the player outside after an explosion, being dragged away by an unknown robot. Credits roll after the reveal that yes, there was cake indeed, and an ending song sung by GLaDOS plays: “Still Alive”.
‘Portal’s’ story is great, if a tad simple. Simple’s not a bad thing, however – plot beats are memorable and interesting, and the game has a sharp sense of humor; very dry and occasionally dark. GLaDOS has quickly become among my favorite fictional characters, let alone video game antagonists. I highly recommend listening to “Still Alive” on Spotify or whatever, because it’s a very experimental and interesting theme for the story’s villain. There aren’t many spoilers in it, except for the fact that the game’s antagonist survives (shocker, I know).
‘Portal’s’ story and gamplay are awesome, but if there’s 1 big drawback, it’s its length. At around 3 hours, the experience is very short, even with additional external content after the credits end. I’m glad there’s a sequel, but the first game’s short time leaves it difficult to enjoy replaying; with its few levels, knowing what to do for each is easy to remember.
Despite this, ‘Portal’ is a fantastic experience, and I completely get the hype for it. For being 18 years old, the package runs well and holds up, even graphically. Hiccups in some puzzles and its runtime lead me to a fitting score of 8/10, which I think is fair.
But that’s that: I’ve been rambling for a while, so I think a nice walk is in order for me! Recently I saw a gingerbread house out in the woods; a visit may be in order for me soon. Until next time my friends, thank you for reading.
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