By: Daniel Kendle

Hello everyone, welcome to JOYSTiCK Reviews, the world’s best source of video game reviews if your gaming console of choice is a turnip. That, or the societal equivalent that is the Xbox Series X.

The PS5 (PlayStation 5) Pro console has recently been unveiled, a successor to the PS5 that’s had rumblings about it for the past week. Those rumblings have, in fact, come from the elephant in the room: its pricing.

Yes, for the cheapskate’s price of $699.99 (£699.99), all of you at home can experience the definitive way to play ‘Madden NFL 25.’ Jokes aside, pretty much everyone seems to be upset with Sony for this decision, because $700 is indeed a metric-ton of money to be dishing out for the product, especially for a “pro” console who’s improvements are minimal compared to its sister device. Granted, that’s nothing to say of the YouTube tech channels who’ll be up in arms over the price to specs ratio, yet buy, like, 10 of these to “prove a point.”

Because I too enjoy eating maggot-ridden roadkill, then complaining about the lack of a built-in disc drive, today I’m not here to talk about the PS5 Pro’s lack of substantial improvements. Don’t be silly! No, today I’m here to ask one simple question, one that might rethink your standards of Sony as a whole:

“IS THE PS5 PRO AN ALLEGORY FOR ECONOMICAL COLLAPSE?”

Yes, you heard it here first, folks; Sony’s officially transitioned from hardware manufacturing to provoking currency-based philosophical debate (I always knew they had it in them!). But a multi-billion dollar company’s foray into the world of consumer dogma aside, I think this question in particular requires a bit of critical thinking.

In the anticipation towards a new console’s unveiling, the main thing people look out for is something briefly mentioned earlier: the ratio of improvements/new features to its pricing. The perfect balance of these 2 extremes. – the “Magic Ratio” – is very rare in consoles, but not unheard of.

The problem with the PS5 Pro isn’t with either its pricing or lack of innovation over the original PS5, but how the pair complement each other. The console is being shown off with… improvements, sure, but ones that don’t suffice for such a high cost.

Sure, a pro console may not, and probably shouldn’t be, very different from the original system, but for people who either do or don’t currently have a regular PS5, this new system won’t appeal to both groups. People who don’t have a PS5 will be turned off by the more expensive version, and seeing the lack of big upgrades will either skip the generation of devices all together or buy the current PS5, and people who do don’t want to buy a more expensive version of the console they already have will ignore it, noticing that it has barely any visible changes.

Overall, I see the new console as something of a stain on the PS5’s legacy, something that’ll make this generation less revered than others before. I’d go out of my way to say that the PS5 hasn’t been the most loved PlayStation device, but with the advent of its “superior” sibling, its critical future may be in further jeopardy (I’ll talk more about this latter point in a moment).

All of that was a long-winded way of explaining that, yes, the PlayStation 5 is an allegory for economical Armageddon. Kenichiro Yoshida, head CEO of Sony, must’ve been going to bed one night with his ‘Astro Bot’ jammies, ‘Ratchet and Clank’ action figures, and suspiciously-turnip-shaped Nintendo Switch, and thought, ‘our player base needs to be taught a lesson in consumer culture!’

To explain the “allegory” side of things, economical collapse can basically be defined as an abrupt and radical end of our current society’s method of exchanging currency. This in mind, I humbly see the original PS5 as a stand-in for the economy at hand; this untouchable, unmovable system (for the console, literally; for our economy, metaphorically) that was upended by the arrival of the PS5 Pro, who we’ll categorize as an imaginary, hypothetical new company whose stocks bring down the value of the US dollar to a point of no return. With the arrival of the new company means the tarnishing of the economy, and a collapse to consumerism.

This reflects on how the PS5 Pro has now given consumers a negative outlook on Sony’s newest generation of hardware, not helped by some poor releases as of recent, like ‘Concord’ and ‘Foam Stars.’

However, I don’t think that’s… all that the PS5 is supposed to say.

When Sony was summoning the PS5 Pro down in the caves of the underworld through means of dark magic, they must’ve intentionally priced it at such a high cost in order to sway potential buyers away from purchasing it, and thus spend more time with their friends, family, and community. The PS5 Pro is an allegory for economical collapse… but a lesson in how no video game can compare to the power of love.

So, in conclusion, yes, Sony’s newest console is a look into the potential downfall of our economy, but moreover, a look into the idea of love and kinship being a universal belief. Love, the binary code embedded into our veins, may be the same code written in the PS5 Pro, a new beacon for human connection. The PS5 Pro – or lack thereof – will be the product to immortalize humanity’s greatest treasure.

‘Wow,’ I thought to myself after writing that last paragraph, ‘never before in my life have I wanted to… kiss a company more than ever.’

And after reading this article, I think the feeling is mutual, friend! At the end of the day, the PS5 Pro sucks, and you know what? Maybe that’s okay. Maybe, instead of wailing about “improved graphical fidelity” and other nerd stuff like that, we can all go fishing, or something. But in the meantime, I hope you’ve enjoyed this glance into my psyche, have a great day, and keep eating your turnips.