By: Daniel Kendle

Hey guys, welcome back to JOYSTiCK Reviews, and you know what I really hate? Climate change. But I’ve also taken a rather strong dislike towards popular games nowadays. So many terrible, terrible video games are coming out as of late, and unlike other poor saps who call themselves “gamers,” I’ve chosen not to lay down and take this blatant mediocrity.

‘Metroid Dread?’ Too scary. ‘Elden Ring?’ Too easy. ‘Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age – Definitive Edition?’ My mouth hurts. The only good video games as of recent are ‘PUBG’ and ‘Concord.’ Speaking of the latter, I was really sad the day it was announced it was being shut down after less than 2 weeks; I held a service for it and everything. Yeah, I missed my dog’s funeral, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make (Much like my dog’s!).

That’s why I’ve been replaying old games lately, like today’s topic: ‘Tetris.’ Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of the title. It’s one of the most popular video games ever, selling hundreds of millions of copies across dozens of platforms, and is still kicking around to this day.

But why is that? Has the game been updated throughout all these years due to it being a masterpiece? Or was this comically-large tracking device fastened around my leg because my opinions are, shockingly-enough, controversial? Let’s find out.

If there’s 1 word to define the game ‘Tetris,’ it’s this: “simple, yet complex” (math was never my strong suit). In my opinion, the game’s been in the public eye for the last few decades due to the notion of it being easy to learn, yet hard to master.

The gameplay’s simple in theory: players are given a tall grid, and 1 after the other, differently-shaped blocks fall from the sky, all being made up of 4 different cubes contorted into different shapes. Players can rotate, move, or speed up the block and its descent, eventually letting it settle along the bottom of the grid.

As the game progresses, a pile of blocks will form. Every time the player manages to get a vertical row of the grid entirely filled with blocks, it’s removed, and the pile shrinks in height. The point of the game is to try to last as long as possible without the pile overflowing, and to see how high of a score you can garner.

To bite the bullet, the game’s so great because of the diversity of each game. While I might be wrong about this, each game’s blocks are randomly-generated (except for select older editions of ‘Tetris,’ I believe). This means that there’s a virtually-infinite amount of ways a game can be played, as the 7 usable blocks’ different forms make strategic placement not just a necessity, but crucial in understanding the intricacies of the game.

The gameplay loop is short, but sweet, and this is why I think the game has that universal appeal. There’s no characters, no story, no wild controls, not even any slightly-abstract theming. It’s literally just blocks falling down. The closest the game has to surrealism is the fact that the blocks magically disappear when a row is formed, but that’s able to be construed by most as a game mechanic rather than a choice of world building.

Anyone, whether they’re 1 or 101 years old, can enjoy ‘Tetris.’ Its gameplay is perfect for what it is.

As it happens, the rest of the game’s experience is pretty good too!

The main musical theme of ‘Tetris’ might be one of the most iconic in gaming, and is definitely in my top 10 favorite songs of all time. Perfectly-melodic, beautiful, and wonderful, yet it has that bit of edge that makes each game feel tense. In fact, one of the best ways to describe ‘Tetris’ is through the word ‘dread.’ The combination of the slowly-falling blocks, foreboding, quick music, and knowledge of the consequences of misplacing your next move makes the game all the more engaging.

The graphics, while definitely not the game’s main point of praise, are still pretty good across the board. Since there are so many versions of ‘Tetris,’ it’s hard to properly articulate my feelings on its art style with specific notes, but I’ll try.

I think the game’s graphics have aged well, especially since the different developers for the games generally keep the blocky aesthetic intact for each version. Not that each version of ‘Tetris’ uses pixel art, mind you, but what I mean is that each edition still feels like the classic game from the 80’s: polygonal shapes with bright colors. There’s not a version of ‘Tetris’ with “hyper-realistic graphics” or anything of that sort (not that I’m opposed to it…I’ve been known to be fairly aroused by cubes in the past).

The visuals, in combination with the music, have both stood the test of time and are continually iterated-upon with each remake of the game. And overall, that’s how I’d describe ‘Tetris’ in a nutshell: a game that’s both able to retain its immortal charm, and yet still manage to iterate on its core concept. For example, ‘Tetris 99’ is a battle royale-style title exclusive to the Nintendo Switch that has 99 players pitted against one another. ‘Hatris’ is a much older example; a sequel of sorts to ‘Tetris’ that lets players stack…hats. And ‘Facetris’ is one of those games that, if you search it up, you understand why I’m omitting any details about it here (2 words: facial body horror).

…and I think that’ll do it for this review! ‘Tetris’ is a masterpiece, no getting around that. Its universal appeal is deserved, and expected based off of its simple, yet astronomically-fun gameplay. Combine that with stellar songs (or “song,” singular) and ever-changing graphical prestige, I’m very happy to award ‘Tetris’ with the coveted 10/10 rating, a rating I’ve only given out in this serial to 1 other game, that being ‘Metroid Dread.’ And just like ‘Dread,’ ‘Tetris’ is easily in my top 5 games of all time.

But now that that’s done and dusted, it’s time to wrap up for today. This little red dot on my ankle’s tracking device began beeping a bit into the review, and it looks like the police just outside my door – with an armed escort (Chuckles)! Oh well, glad to see someone remembered my birthday, even though it isn’t for…6 months.

But alas, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you for reading this issue of JOYSTiCK, have a lovely October, and I’ve got a body to hide.