By: Hoaseng Thao

NOTE: This story is a transcript from a fictional war documentary.

(Gunfire can be heard in the distance)

<< Searching for legends around these parts is very easy. Walk down one path, and you’d meet a man who saved hundreds from foreign mercenaries. (long pause) But “them”, you’re better off searching for in a fairy tale. >>

Long after the ceasefire that halted the Second Continentals War and thrusted the world into the Cold War, online forums, whose information flowed through the mass nexus of the internet like ocean currents, spoke of a mythical soldier, whose tales know no borders. The soldier, whose name is garbled by the mass exodus of the internet, garners both fear and admiration by those rife by war. And I am in search of this mythical soldier, whose name when sifted through forums can be traced down to one word, Xeo.

Xeo’s mythical status raised many concerns and questions like, what flag do they pledge allegiance to? Which superpower do you side with, Vaseria or Kavara? Do they consider Ashiran pizza as a crime against Earth? But my biggest concern was if they even existed. However, thanks to the endless connections of the internet, I was able to get into contact with several individuals willing to share their tales of them.

“The Coward”, a name used by locals around Tavpool to refer to one man, Skiven Nikulin. He was a former conscript of the Orbesjkan National Guard and a survivor of a deadly Kavaran CDP (Croatoke Defensive Pact) offensive. He is now a sheep herder in the town of Tavpool.

In 2042, the Orbesjkan Civil War was still plundering the nation after a decade of conflicts, but things turned for the worst following a surprise intervention by the CDP. Skiven Nikulin, a Lance Corporal at the time, was tasked to hold the city of Skirsk until reinforcements would arrive, but due to terrible weather conditions, and the overwhelming Kavaran army besieging the city, this would turn into the bloodiest battle the war had seen so far.

Skiven Nikulin

<< We were told that reinforcements would arrive in two days, then two weeks, two months, then… We were told to hold our rifles until there were only two rounds left in them. Only then should we take down one enemy before relieving ourselves of our (sighs) honorable duties. >>

I visited Skiven Nikulin at his farmstead in Tavpool. His son, who had heard the tales of his father’s supposed encounter with Xeo, saw my post on the online forum, “3Frum”, about the mythical soldier, before setting me up with an in person interview with him.

Skiven Nikulin

<< It was a rainy night, we had held out for four months by then, but they… The Kaviars (a derogatory term used for Kavarans) had already breached through the city walls. That night, I was cut off from friendly lines, and I… >>

(The man stood still for a while before coming back to his senses.)

<< I hid from the Kaviars amongst the dead. I wanted to live, I wanted to live just like those who I hid beneath. But I witnessed a Kaviar officer approach, ordering his men to fire amongst the bodies. I thought I had cheated death by hiding, only to pay the price of being a coward. That was until… >>

(Nikulin raised his right hand, formed it into a knife hand gesture before slashing it downward.)

<< The officer dropped to the ground. And he arrived. He stood proud above the body of the officer, only armed with a long blade. >>

(He repeats his slashing motion with his hand)

<< In an instant, the man sliced through the officer’s men like tofu. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I wasn’t aware of who he was at the time so I only thought about keeping quiet… But in an instant, the man disappeared. >>

(The man readjusted the ring on his middle finger as he let out a sigh of relief)

<< When morning came, I had returned to friendly lines, and I remembered telling my encounter with this man to my colleagues, who in turn joked around saying that I “had been saved by Xeo”. I was astonished that they already had a name made for him, but I thought of it as a joke. It wasn’t until my son informed me of this Xeo person, only then did I truly believe that it was him who saved me that night. >>

We will continue this investigation in our next episode, where we enter the Arcerium Rising Exclusion Zone, to meet a woman known by many as “The Runner”.

By: Daniel Kendle

(This article is a work of “exotic” satire, and the author has no disrespect towards chess, or to those who play it).

Hey guys, it’s me, anthropologist and taxidermist Chonga Dingle. In today’s article I’ll be going over a step-by-step guide on how to win every game of chess ever, and also how to be really cool while doing it. It seems that a lot of people forget that chess is extremely difficult, and because of such a truth I thought I must enlighten you on what to do correctly.

Anyways, in this video you must understand that I am a very fancy chess player, and as such I’ll be using terminology that all of you peons will be likely confused with as this film goes on. Unfortunately, I am also a very cruel chess player, and because of that I won’t be able to slow down for the misguided in our community. However, I’ll embolden any cryptic words that some may not know about. Hopefully this makes it so you can look up any weird phrases throughout this podcast (‘accessibility is key,’ and all that).

Okay, so the first thing new players need to know is that the best way to win is to have very dexterous hands. Dexterity is important in handling chess pieces, for the important reason of “because I said so.” But to have hands like mine, – the most flexible in the land – you’ll need the special “Finger Water” to slather over your hands. This requires you to walk 10,000 paces sideways up the Binga-Winga mountain, then talk to the Man, who’ll give you the Finger Water after doing a dance for him.

To learn this dance, you’ll need to go back home and walk 10,000 paces backwards to the Basilisk’s nest, where you need to rub the egg with your hand 58 times in a counterclockwise motion, where after the Basilisk chick will come out and give you a jetpack and the $19 ‘Fortnite’ card. After shaking hands, leave the nest and walk 6 miles west and give the jetpack to the Jumping Lady, who will teach you the dance in return.

Once you’ve learned the dance, wait a day before going back to the Binga-Winga mountain and perform it in front of the Man. He will shout his usual mating call, of which cannot be written on paper due to eldritch curses in the 16th century. Then he’ll hop down the Hole of Jobs and bring back an iPhone. This phone will now lead you to the Finger Water. Find the location of the water, dig up the hidden basin, and throw the phone inside it. This will make the water transform into the Finger Water, and you will be able to dip your hands in and achieve prime flexibility.

Okay, that was part 1, the infant’s ballad. Now I, Chonga Dingle, will teach you how to win every game of chess that you’ll ever play.

When you start a match, make sure you’ve applied the Finger Water before someone is gripping the first piece. If you forget and slather yourself in it after the game begins, you instantly explode and die (I’ve learned this from past experience). If desired, recite the ‘Allaying Chant of Chess’ after applying the water for a 15% boost in EXP during the match. Unlike the Man’s mating call, I can type it down in a written document, so here it is:

“The Allaying Chant of Chess” (Proximus Sol Version; abbreviated. Written by anonymous, published by Hobart J. Chess in 1192)

‘Humans of this beguiling night, see my worth
In this manic type of plight, through demons of mirth!
O, to be a acolyte to the Bringer, see me, yes
But I wish to be nothing more than a Pawn on your board, your board.’

(Hoo-ha AKAB. Hoo-ha AKAB).

‘Humans of the watching void, see my eyes
Sense the world destroyed, and see immortal laerds rise! Make me a tool in your wretched time of blood (blood), For I am but a Knight in the astral board of sight.’

(Hoo-ha AKAB. Hoo-ha AKAB).

‘Humans of the endless world, see me in your dreams,
Creatures of the curled, vigils of the seams.
But I am such a neophyte, an finite source of work
For the Rooks and Bishops of a different plane are those who judge Earth.’

(Hoo-ha AKAB. Hoo-ha AKAB).

‘To round off this cry for help, wailing to the stars,
I speed towards Venus, then to Mercury and Mars.
On the end of this planet are those who give me life (life), The King and Queen of misery, shapers of strife.’

(Hoo-ha AKAB. Hoo-ha AKAB. Hoo-ha AKAB. Hoo-ha AKAB).

Once you’ve done that, you’ll get a green rhombohedron above your head. This indicates the EXP boost. If you win, the percentage will double.

Now, playing chess is actually pretty simple, really. Simply cash in the $19 ‘Fortnite’ card you got from the Basilisk chick and you’ll instantly receive a catalog of different chess maneuvers, costing around a dollar each. These strategies were specifically chosen and designed by those of the Chess Chapel, and finalized by the Champion of Chess. Once you pick a move you want to play, a dollar will be depleted from your account and a specific piece will be moved.

However, you’ll eventually either run out of money or want to move pieces without depleting your ‘Chess Change,’ so that’s when we transition into traditional chess-playing. Now, everyone knows how to play chess, but this article is specifically on winning chess, so because of this loophole I get less work. If you’d like a brief overview of chess, however, then it’s basically players taking turns moving pieces along an 8×8 checkerboard.

This switching of playing traditional chess and “Microtransaction Chess” is how most games will play out in the current chess metagame. The key to winning is to balance spending and saving, and only purchasing stronger, paid moves with the $19 ‘Fortnite’ card when a safe strategy presents itself. However, now it’s time for Chonga Dingle’s patented “Chess Chatter,” where I go over some important tips and fun facts.

• In 1832, Bosk Omat Chess taught the very first animal to play chess. You may think that he’d would’ve taught a dog, cat, or mouse, but instead explained the game to his pet anteater, Ringo. If you recite this factoid during a game of chess, you receive an additional 5% EXP boost.

• If both players run out of money on their gift card during the same round of a game, the pair must sing the Allaying Chant of Chess again, because the rare round in which this can happen will often be considered bad luck by chess aficionados.

• Chess pieces are made from Chessnuts. They’re harvested and further-manufactured in Chessapeake Bay.

• Chesster Chess was seen as the world’s best chess player during the mid-2000’s thanks to his unique and intricate tactics during matches. His “main” was the Rook (a zoner option), and implemented the “Chesster Bester” technique, where through the button combinations “Up-Up-Left-L1-L2-Down,” he could infinitely lock other players into a state of perpetual stun-locking during a game of chess, eventually culminating in a K.O. This input chain could be performed seconds into the match, making him one of the deadliest players in ‘Mortal Pawnbat: Khessmageddon’ in 2006.

• If you move your Queen piece during 7 consecutive turns without losing any other pieces on your side, you’ll unlock a unique move called the “Lucky-7 Finisher.” This move has a pawn in the right corner of the player who uses it, and the piece then moves up-right 8, then left 8, making a vaguely-shaped 7. Any pieces in the way of the 7 are given to the player who enacts the move.

• The Chess Council has received numerous requests for nerfs for the finisher, but even through balance patches the move still hasn’t been gutted. The finisher was added in the 1.9 update back in 1901, leading to a lot of people sticking to rules and formatting from the 1.8 update released in 1772.

• In ‘Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 3DChess and PiiU,’ several fun playable characters were added. Some were 1st party characters, like Little Rook and Pawnutena, as well as 3rd party, external characters from non-chess games, like Checkers Man, Bayochaturanga, and also Pac-Man. The game’s successor, going by the subtitle ‘Pawntimate’ included King K. Rook, Bishopleth, and Kazuya from ‘Settlers of TeCatan.’

• The following are new pieces under consideration to be added in the 1.11 update for chess:

○ Squire: like the Knight, the squire moves in a vaguely 7-shaped pattern. However, instead of moving 2 tiles forward, it moves 1 tile forward and then 1 to the left or right.

○ Wolf: the Wolf hunts the Knight, since the latter takes on the appearance of a horse. During a game of chess, the Wolf can only be moved to a tile immediately in a Knight’s vicinity.

○ Tank: Tanks can only move along the edges of the board, but can move as many places as they want within this limitation.

○ Ghost: Ghost pieces can revive 1 chess piece during a game, but have to be discarded right after being used.

○ Flamingo: similar to their real-life counterpart, if at least 2 of a player’s flamingos are placed next to each other, they become immortal and can’t be claimed.

○ Bouncy Ball: when first used in a game, these pieces can move 10 spaces forward. The next turn they can be moved 9, then 8, then 7, and so on until reaching 0, where they must be discarded.

○ Remote Control: players can only use a Remote Control piece once per game. When used, it lets Player A move one of Player B’s pieces.

○ Thimble: if a player moves the Thimble around all 4 sides of the board during a game, they get $200 (now with optional race-car, dog, and top hat cosmetic skins).

○ Alien: Alien pieces introduce the new “Colonization” mechanic to chess, where a player can claim the opposing player’s Rook and transform it into a fortress, which acts as a shield for the King. A player must attack the castle 5 times to break into it, and then can finally reach the King.

○ Electric Eel: this piece “stuns” any opponent’s piece it’s next to for 4 turns, making that piece incapable of moving.

○ Submarine: Submarines aren’t able to be attacked by Pawns, but if a sub on 1 player’s side is eliminated, the other sub they get is too.

Well, it seems that we’ve reached the end of this show. After teaching you all of my chess tricks and tips, you may be wondering about my credibility as a source. Well, I, Chonga Dingle, have been seen as a primary chess master and teacher since the game’s inception 50-ish years ago. Thousands have been taught under my wing, and I’ve been heralded as a leading face of chess for decades. Heck, I’ve never even played chess before, THAT’S how good I am.

But I digress; it seems that you’re ready to begin your adventure into the world of chess, and I couldn’t be happier. Young pupil, I wish you well, and hope that your future is very much a bright beacon for chess-playing and teaching. Until next time, loyal radio-listeners, as I bid you…

…adieu.

By: Hoaseng Thao

Note: This story revolves around the topic of war and military actions

Background

A year after the ceasefire that halted the Second Continental War, tensions between the Polaris Alliance Treaty Organization (PATO) and the Croatoke Defense Pact (CDP) remained rigid as both sides rebuilt their militaries for a possible flashpoint. A founding PATO member state, the Vaserian Federation, had elected King Shota Orion in 2024, who’d start the Shattered Front Initiative; an initiative to boost the Defense Forces (VFDF) budget from 2.9% of GDP to 4.2%, with the idea that Vaseria and their allies on the Vaserian continent would have to fight the Second Continental War alone.

A part of this initiative was to secure the Bay of Veina due to its strategic position to the Vaserian Federation and its ally, the Kingdom of Valona, but also because of the presence of the neighboring Republic of Nashua, a member state of the CDP. In a joint effort with Valona, the Vaserian Federation established Joint Naval Base Stonage on the small Valonan island of Sutao, housing over 30,000 military personnel and a small detachment of Aircraft from the Vaserian Navy.

THE INCIDENT

In the morning of November 29th, the island’s radar warning system intercepted three unknown signatures heading towards Stonage, with the craft appearing to be of Nashuan origin, however Nashuan officials have declined that the aircrafts were theirs.

Four fighter jets belonging to the 120th Tactical Fighter Squadron immediately took off from the island for interception, with the lead craft being manned by Captain Warrick, a veteran of the Second Continentals War.

At around 7:46 AM, the lead fighter jet, callsign “Typo”, receives on his warning system of a missile locked onto his jet, a VF-20A Starling, resulting in a hard turn to his starboard side as he deployed counter measures to break his heat signature. With the unknown crafts firing first, the call was given to engage the unknown hostiles with extreme prejudice. The first Starling to fire was commandeered by a pilot named “Taxes”, who locked on and fired a missile at an enemy jet, but missed.

Closing the distance between the unknown force and the Starlings, an anonymous pilot who took part in the incident, recalled that the unknown jets resembled that of a Kavaran SJ-88V Sea Lion jet, which are operated by both Kavara and Nashua, both members of the CDP.

The Starlings proceeded to split up, with a single jet acting as flank guard while the rest seeked to eliminate the threats. One Starling, is credited with downing two of the enemy crafts with only their main gun after their missile bay malfunctioned. The last remaining enemy jet, proceeded to bail out of the situation and flew towards Nashuan waters, resulting in the Starlings to return back to Stonage.

AFTERMATH

In the aftermath of the incident, Nashua denied all claims of responsibility, claiming that they had “eliminated” the remaining craft upon entering Nashuan airspace, however there is no evidence to suggest that the case was true. The incident would also inspire the creation of the 2027 film “FOX3!”, which included the same Starlings used during the incident.

By: Hoaseng Thao

NOTE: This Article covers a war between fictional nations

BACKGROUND

Following the end of the First Continentals War in 1950, the Kirston Empire, located in the Eusonan continent, was facing an economic crisis that stemmed from its debts for its participation in the war. Their solution to this debt was to sell off parts of their territory for cash, resulting in the 1957 Treaty of Saant, which formed The United Republic of Litho and the Federal Republic of Envoa.

In 1967, the Kirston Empire elected a new Viceroy to the nation, Elena Oplau, the Fair Maiden of Saint Mons. Oplau, born in the city of Saint Mons, was a staunch supporter of regaining the territories of Envoa and Litho, which to her and her supporters, was seen as an illegal treaty that went against the vision of the Eternal Virgin Empress, Lyria Tran. On May 24th, 1970, Oplau, with the support of the grand congress, invaded Litho to regain its lost territories.

LITHOAN FRONT

On the 1st of May, 1970, Kirston forces invaded the United Republic of Litho through the Rikin plains, flowing through the Lithoan countryside with over a hundred thousand troops over the border through a massive armored offensive. The Lithoan armed forces were forced to fall back to the Grai Mountain Range, where they would put up an intense guerrilla war against the Kirston Imperial Forces.

By 1971, Kirston forces would deplete nearly half of its invasion forces, fearing of losing the sufficient manpower, the Kirston government began a massive recruitment campaign granting those who volunteer a large amount of government grants. This act of handing out grants would be used to coin the war as “The Grants War”.

Despite the large influx of volunteering troops, the Kirston forces were unable to move past the Grai Mountain Range, and as the winter of 1971 began, the Lithoan armed forces began their counter offensive. The Lithoan forces recaptured the country’s capital, Juno, on December 10th, however this was one of out of a few successful counter offensive campaigns, as the harsh winter conditions led to the fall of the northern region. The harsh winter would result in a complete halt of any major offensive by any side until the winter passed by. Oplau and her supporters needed a victory, but it couldn’t be won during the Lithoan winter.

ENVOAN FRONT

On January 2nd, 1972, another front was started, this time on the border with Envoa. Caught off guard by the invading Kirstons, nearly half of the country had fallen to the hands of the Kirston Imperial Forces within three days, with its capital of Ioniv falling in a matter of a few hours. By March 10th, mainland Envoa had fallen to Kirston forces, but the Envoan navy continued the fight, even scoring a kill on the pride of the Kirston Imperial Navy, the KIN Opposer in the second battle for Nolan Island.

By the first of March of 1973, a large mob of Envoan partisans successfully took over the city of Tuve, resulting in the large uprisings across the country and the successful return of the Envoan forces on the mainland in the battle of Crownady. The war was turning against the Kirston armed forces with the return of the Envoan armed forces, and as the war turned against the Kirstons, there was only one way the war could end.

THE GRANTED OFFENSIVE

As the snow melted, the reunited Envoan army and a hardened Lithoan military, forced the Kirston military to retreat back to its former borders. As the two armies marched into Kirston soil, they began to loot and spread fire to the Kirston countryside in a scorched earth tactic to demoralize the Kirston population, however this would only embolden those to defend what remained pure.

By April 10th, nearly 20% of the Kirston’s forests were burned as a result of the scorched earth tactic, but nonetheless the Kirston military still fought on despite the odds. As the Envoan and Lithoan armies crept towards the capital of Kirsto, pressure was forced onto the Viceroy, Elena Oplau, to decide the fate of the empire.

SIGNING OF SUKUYO

With the war nearing its third anniversary and the increasing pressure against the Kirston officials to resolve the conflict, it was time for the war to end. Oplau, unwilling to call an end to hostilities, insisted they wanted a conditional surrender but due to the harsh reputation of the empire in the war, neither side wanted to openly agree for a ceasefire unless an intermediary assisted in its conclusion. Upon hearing the news of a potential end to the conflict, the King of the Vaserian Federation, Crizk Flaw, hastily answered the call for the conclusion of the war.

King Flaw, was ironically, a flawed king. He spent the first 4 years of his 10 year administrative term trying to force congress to increase the powers of the monarchy, with Flaw often being warned by congress of being impeached, which was a warning supported by nearly every Vaserian. When the call for an intermediary to conclude the war in Kirsto was announced, Flaw readily accepted it to save his reputation.

On May 22nd, 1973, the officials of the three warring nations met in the Vaserian capital city of Sukuyo to conclude the conflict, and by May 24th, the conflict would end with Kirsto ceding parts of its territory to Envoa, and a controversial 10 mile wide settlement exclusion zone along the Lithoan border, ensuring that a build up at the Lithoan border would never happen again. In return for these concessions, the three nations agreed to work together in rebuilding each nation’s infrastructure; however, only Kirsto and Envoa would fulfill this deal.

By the end of the war, over 80,000 people were killed in the war, with at least a million being forced to flee or endure the conflict. Nearly 40% of the forests of Kirsto were burned due to the scorched earth tactics, but as of 2049, the country has reclaimed nearly 30% of the burned land.