Top 5 Genius Uses for a Jar of Sand (NOT CLICKBAIT)

By: Daniel Kendle

            Hey gang! My name’s Samuel Sand, and today I’m here to talk to you about sand. Say – have you ever had an interaction like this occur?

Fig. 1 – “An ugly ‘sediment.’ Heh.”

            Truly dreadful. But wait a minute: “pound sand?” Why, what could that phrase even mean? Well, as someone who never finished college could tell you, they don’t actually know. I, meanwhile, graduated from Oxford with honors!

            Sand has its origins billions of years ago amidst the creation of Earth’s crust, but no one really cares about that stuff. Instead, I’m here today to list the “Top 5 Genius Uses for a Jar of Sand (For Geniuses)™.” With this list, the next time a bullying brute slanders your title, any sand-related insults can be deflected with sophisticated sand facts from yours truly.

  1. Projectile-based weaponry. Parried your assailant’s sedimentary slandering and still seeing red? Well, as any sand enthusiast can adhere to, physical violence is a readily-available option against natural predators, such as skeptics, gym bros, and pretty much anyone else on Earth. Simply unscrew the lid, thrust out your sand, and watch it fly!
  1. Arts n’ Crafts. When I was young, I watched an episode of ‘Curious George’ where George, the titular species known as a Curious, painted sand with juice to create paintings. I always remembered that episode for a couple reasons, and since my lawyer says I shouldn’t encourage people to eat sand, painting with it is my second-best suggestion.
  1. Therapy. Therapy is an instrumental tool for many people, so where’s the harm in introducing sand into it? Simply substitute the classic “breathing ball” or stuffed animal for a loving jar of sand. Hey – research from the League of International Administrative Remedying Sand-substances (L.I.A.R.S) declares that a jar of sand is an excellent substitute for mental health-supporting items.
  1. Eating. My lawyer’s on his lunch break, so I’ll be quick about this. Ever tried a sand omelette? I went to England on a retreat from work a while back, and in a dark alley a guy with 3 pupils gave me one of these. I’ll tell ya: best. Dinner. EVER. Salty, savory, and with just a hint of nuttiness. I’d normally say I couldn’t recommend it enough, but *chuckles* My lawyer’s a bit of a stickler surrounding that sort of talk.
  1. Creative idioms. Finally, what’s a newspaper article without talking about writing? A fun use for a jar of sand is as a creative muse for coming up with never-before-seen idioms. For example: “Jars before Mars” references the impracticality of space travel for future housing developments. Cute, simple, catchy – where’s the problem?

Well, I hope you’ve been, er, inspired by today’s lesson guys. Jars and sand combined form a wonderful tool for…um…

*Sighs* Screw it. What am I doing here? Talking about fricken sand like it’s some kind of…never mind.

My wife, my kids, all gone. I left behind a perfect life…for THIS?! I just…I can’t. I messed up.

I…

I need a sign to change. A new job too, at that. I need something, some-ONE, to hold…

I need a jar of sand.

Halloween Night

By: Seng Nhkum

In the starry dark of

the autumn sky,

a ghost-shaped cloud

went drifting by.

Ghosts and goblins

ring the chime.

You’ll hear the

super spooky scary

time of the year

is coming by.

Cats prowl,

Winds howl,

Witches ride,

Puppies hide.

It’s Halloween!

Costumes are unseen

till the night of ghoulish fun

that avoids the sun.

Dressed up like ghosts,

and frighten those we meet.

Tonight is the night where,

Trick or treaters roam the street

running like hungry werewolves

from door to door

to get the best candy to live for.

A sweet treat stash to store.

Jack-O-Lanterns smiling bright

wishing you a haunting night.

Shadows dance beneath the moon,

Whispers float like a spooky tune.

Pumpkins glow with fiery eyes,

Spinning webs with the black crow flies.

Bats sore high in the chilly air,

Chilling, laughter, echo everywhere.

Magic feels this eerie night,

Filling hearts of spooky fright!

The Breakaway

By: Canaan Nonnemacher

The defenseman stumbles, a fatal mistake,

The gap in the neutral zone, the forward will take.

The goal light is empty, the ice clean and wide,

No one is near him, there’s nowhere to hide.

The crowd holds its breath, just a silence so deep,

As the puck leaves his stick, a promise to keep.

The goalie stays anchored, a fortress of pads,

Reading the angle, defying the lads.

The wrist shot is launched with a quick, snapping sting,

Past leather and post, hear the victory sing!

The net bulges bright, like a flag in the breeze,

The moment is sealed, brought down to its knees.

What is the p53 gene?

By: Hannan Mohammed

According to the National Institute of Health, the human body has over 30 trillion cells, each in their own cycle of growing, dividing by mitosis or meiosis, dying, and being replaced. There are around 200 different kinds of cells in our bodies, but during the cell cycle, any one of these cells could begin to replicate uncontrollably, leading to cancer.

However, there is a small gene in the nucleus of each of these cells that can protect our cells from dividing uncontrollably and becoming cancerous tumors. This is called the p53 gene.

What is the p53 gene?

The p53 gene, or the tp53 gene, is located on chromosome 17, in the nucleus of many of our cells. The gene specifically controls instructions that are required to make a protein named tumor protein p53, which binds directly to the DNA in the nucleus of the cell. But, what does the protein itself do?

Image by Thomas Splettstoesser via Wikimedia Commons

What it does and why we need it

As implied in the name (tumor protein p53), this protein helps to prevent the creation and growth of tumors by controlling cell division to ensure that damaged cells don’t divide uncontrollably.

Because the p53 protein is bound directly to the DNA in each cell, it can detect whether a cell’s DNA is damaged. A cell’s DNA can be damaged by many things, including radiation or exposure to toxic chemicals, which can cause the processes of cell growth and cell division to go wrong; this is where the p53 protein becomes extremely important.

The protein plays an important role in determining how the regulation of damaged cells will occur. For example, if the DNA in the cell can be fixed, the p53 protein will activate other genes to repair the damaged DNA. However, if the damage to the DNA can’t be repaired and the cell still poses a risk of uncontrollable growth and division, the p53 protein will send signals to tell the cell to begin the process of apoptosis, or self-destruction.

The p53 gene and protein’s importance lies in its function of regulating cell division, which is crucial in preventing many types of cancer throughout our bodies. However, some people have mutations of the p53 gene.

What this means is that the p53 protein no longer functions as it should, which can lead to fast and unregulated cell growth and division without the protein to prevent this. These non-inherited (or somatic) mutations are linked to half of all cancers. An inherited mutation can lead to a cancer syndrome called Li-Fraumeni syndrome, which increases a person’s risk of developing multiple kinds of cancer, such as breast cancer and bone cancer.

For more information, please visit:

Movie review of ‘Spider-Man’ (2001)

By: Norah Hoglund

There’s a lot of different Spider-Man movies, but I’m my opinion, the best ones are the original ones. A lot of the time, they are referred to as the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man movies because that is the actor who plays him.

Summary

‘Spider-Man’ is about a teenage boy, Peter Parker, who gets bitten by a genetically modified spider and begins to develop powers. He decides to use his powers for good after his uncle is shot and killed by a carjacker. At his best friend’s father’s company, Oscorp, an experiment went very wrong and the father starts having episodes where he goes crazy and kills people. He is known as the Green Goblin. Peter has to protect the city against him and ultimately defeat him, all while balancing school, friends, his family, and his job.

Review

The plot of ‘Spider-Man’ is very intriguing. It’s really exciting to see Peter develop his powers and realize what he can do. Although he has superhuman strength, so does the Green Goblin. He has to use everything in him to fight him and save the city from his schemes.

The movie also has great special effects; for example, the scenes of Spider-Man swinging through the city are very realistic and ahead of their time. The movie also demonstrates good character growth. Peter starts out as a shy nerd type of person and by the end he has much more confidence as he has become a hero.

The soundtrack of the movie is also on point. The tones of different songs really add to the scenes to make them more suspenseful, emotional, etc. depending on the music.

The only thing I don’t like about this movie is how long the credits are at the beginning, but I do like the vibe and overall look of how they are presented.

Overall, this movie is honestly a classic for me and I would rewatch it. I rate it a 9/10.

You can watch ‘Spider-Man’ on Amazon.

‘The Life of a Showgirl’: Part 2- Song by Song

By: Charlotte Aver

Taylor Swift’s latest album just dropped on October third, breaking records with tons of streams and a dozen upbeat pop songs.

Track 1: “The Fate of Ophelia” is the lead single of the album and so far the only song with a true music video. The premise of this song is that her love saved her from “The Fate of Ophelia”, which is to go mad and drown herself. This is a love song about her boyfriend, Travis Kelce, however you could argue that part of what saved her from this fate was her tour and fans that kept her afloat in the waters of madness that had she not been saved from, she would have drowned in. This song is a lot of fun to listen to and dance along with. I think that it is quite good but not the best on the album.

Track 2: “Elizabeth Taylor” is a love song told through the lens of Elizabeth Taylor’s life. The tag line of the song is “if your letters ever said goodbye, I’d cry my eyes violet, Elizabeth Taylor”. She references multiple things in Elizabeth Taylor’s life, Musso and Frank, a fine dining restaurant in LA that many celebrities would go to including Elizabeth Taylor. “All my white diamonds and lovers are forever” a lyric from the song referencing the iconic scent made specifically for Elizabeth Taylor. The plaza Athenee was also referenced in this song which is where Elizabeth Taylor stayed for six months in Paris, 1971. Portofino is also mentioned in the song because it’s where Elizabeth Taylor got engaged in 1964. One of the vinyl variants for ‘The Life of a Showgirl’ is called the “Portofino orange glitter vinyl”, further referencing Elizabeth Taylor. This song in my opinion is possibly one of the best songs on the album, the references, the beat, and the lyrics are just so much fun, I feel like I could keep listening to this song and it would never get old.

Track 3: “Opalite” is another love song but from the perspective of things can be hard but it will be alright. “[D]ancing through the lightning strikes, sleepless in the onyx night, but now the sky is opalite”, the message of this song is actually quite cute, that things can be really hard until you find the person who will make your sky “Opalite”. Opalite is a man made opal, so the idea of Opalite being a metaphor for happiness is really saying that happiness doesn’t always come to you, you have to make it for yourself. This song is such a feel good song with a good beat, fun to listen and dance to, and sounds like in a year or two it will be classic and a fan favorite within her discography.

Track 4: “Father Figure” is a song about the relationship of a mentor and mentee told through power dynamics. The song follows the story of how the narrator becomes the father figure of someone who then turns their back on the narrator. “Your thoughtless ambition, sparked the ignition, on foolish decisions, that led to misguided visions, and to fulfill your dreams, you had to get rid of me.” This line tells the story of how the ‘father figure’ was betrayed. The narrator then says “Whose portraits on the mantel? Who covered up your scandals? Mistake my kindness for weakness and find your card cancelled, I was your father figure, you pulled the wrong trigger.” By this response to the betrayal the narrator has told the audience exactly what happens when you take advantage of a father figure. This song is full of angst and revenge and is incredibly fun to listen to.

Track 5: “Eldest Daughter”. Typically track five is the saddest track on the album, and this track is also the longest track, at 4 minutes and 6 seconds. This song is about how now everyone lives a dual life, the performative life for social media and their personal life. It also is about how Taylor has taken her experience as an eldest daughter to how she deals with her fame as an adult. This song is probably the slowest and saddest song on the album.

Track 6: “Ruin the Friendship” is a song about part of her high school experience and how she feels she should’ve kissed the person she liked anyway even though she didn’t. After she graduated and left where she went to high school her friend calls her and tells her that he died, so she travels home with “so much left to say”. This song is so happy and fun until the end, but the song as a whole tells a story quite vividly and I enjoy it.

Track 7: “Actually Romantic” is a song that was expected to be a romantic love song but is actually a song about someone who has put so much effort into her while saying that they hate her. “It’s actually romantic, all the time you’ve spent on me, it’s honestly wild all the effort you put in”. It’s also about finding out about a one sided relationship that she didn’t even know she was in and she ends up thinking it’s actually romantic. This song is rumored to be about Charli XCX. This song is funny and fun and all around is just a good listen.

Track 8: “Wi$h Li$t” is a song about how everyone has really different “wish lists” and different dreams, but she also has her own wants and dreams, and that everyone deserves what they want. “They want it all, and they can have what they want, they deserve what they want, but I just want you”. It also has a lot about how people live their lives really publicly and how we all know what people want. It’s also so fun to listen to.

Track 9: “Wood” is the shortest track on the album, coming at 2 minutes and 30 seconds. “Wood” is a love song about superstitions, and using different superstitions to tell a love story: knock on wood, wish on stars, black cats, stepping on cracks and catching the bouquet. This song doesn’t need much explanation and has some very fun 70s beats.

Track 10: “CANCELLED!” is about being cancelled and then seeing your friends get cancelled and still supporting them. The tagline of the song is “good thing I like my friends cancelled”. This song is also partly about how the media will see people get cancelled and immediately they are persona non grata, but how Taylor will always judge not by what people are saying but by their actions.  This song is full of silent rage and pure angst; these raw emotions make this song really interesting to listen to.

Track 11: “Honey” is a song about how words that have been used to hurt you in the past, but then someone calls you those names sincerely. In the song she has said that people have used honey and sweetheart against her to make her feel bad, “When anyone called me honey, it was standing in the bathroom, white teeth, they were saying that skirt don’t fit me, and I cried the whole way home” but now those words have different meanings because those words have been used to make her feel loved. “When anyone called me lovely they were trying to find ways to not praise me, but you say it like you’re in awe of me”. This song is just a bop. It makes you feel good, and is just pure fun to listen to.

Track 12: “The Life of a Showgirl” feat. Sabrina Carpenter is the title track of the album. This song is about a fictional showgirl named Kitty “She made her money being pretty and witty”. The character that Taylor sings the part of goes to see the show with Kitty in it and gets to meet her and Kitty tells her the truth of how the life of a showgirl is not one you want. Then Sabrina Carpenter sings the story of Kitty, “She was a menace, baby of the family in Lenox”. Lenox is a small town in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, Lenox is famous for being home to Tanglewood, a venue that attracts world famous performers. She tells of how Kitty goes to the club promoter to ask if she can be a showgirl and live a magnificent life and then says “But that’s not what showgirls get, they leave us for dead.” They both then go on to sing about the showgirl business and how it’s hard to stay afloat in, “They ripped me off like false lashes and then threw me away”. They both then sing to the character of Kitty “Hey Kitty, now I make my money being pretty and witty”. At the very end of the song they say thank you to the crowd which is a recording of the final night in Vancouver and the final show of the Eras Tour. One detail about this song is the dynamic between cats and dogs, Kitty’s name being Kitty, and calling Taylor, the future performer, a kitten. There is also the mention of the “autograph hounds barking her name” making the connection between performers being cats and the fans being dogs. This song is my absolute favorite of the album from the amazing story telling, to the fact that Sabrina Carpenter is featured and finally that it has actual recordings of the Eras Tour. The whole thing is fantastic to listen to and is a little like being transported somewhere else when you listen to it. If you haven’t listened to it, I highly suggest this song. If you only listen to one song make it this one.

Listen to the album here: https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-life-of-a-showgirl/1838810949

Sports schedule for: Oct 27-Nov 1

 ATHLETIC EVENTS SCHEDULE  OCTOBER 27 – NOVEMBER 1
MONDAYOCTOBER 27 
TIMEBUS TIMESEVENTLOCATION
    
TUESDAYOCTOBER 28  
TIMEBUS TIMESEVENTLOCATION
4:30pm Adapted Soccer vs. Dakota UnitedHope Fieldhouse
WEDNESDAYOCTOBER 29  
TIMEBUS TIMESEVENTLOCATION
    
THURSDAYOCTOBER 30  
TIMEBUS TIMESEVENTLOCATION
    
FRIDAYOCTOBER 31  
TIMEBUS TIMESEVENTLOCATION
    
SATURDAYNOVEMBER 1  
TIMEBUS TIMESEVENTLOCATION
Boys: 2:30pm Girls: 3:15pm12:00pm | 4:15pmCross Country State ChampionshipsLes Bolstad Golf Course