By: Daniel Kendle

‘Seen far above, o’ frenzied prince, may the dagger pierce the heart of the enemy,

Trickling blood onto-us, the feeders, yes.

They’re coming, faster and faster, stags in rut…

Lucid serpents that want for the mere chance at substance,

Valhalla…

The blood is seeping. It’s coming quicker, faster

Fangs bared, so much so to deflect a silver “Bullit” 

May the gods see our fate, and envy it;

This night of naked lust and licentious frenzy shall be our curtain act.

Valhalla…’

– Unknown, ‘Vampyr Codos’ (1662, adpt.)

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Plunged through the heart of the man, he shrunk down to the floor once again, hand briefly hitting wool sheets. He slumped down further, coiling into a fetal position as he weakly attempted to clasp his neck.

Magnus stepped back a bit, then forward. He peered down at the man – Arthur, as he would soon learn – and prodded their head with his shoe, turning it over. It was still fresh, though quickly turning gray. From his mouth, his teeth still had hints of fuschia spittle, tongue shredded along the top. A thin red line dribbled onto the floor, inside the wood cracks, and below. 

His fangs were slowly turning black.

Magnus smirked, and pushed the head to face away again. He straightened himself, adjusting his frill and brushing down his coat. With his job done, he relaxed, silently rolling his shoulders for a few seconds. The moon’s ascent wasn’t any faster than normal; who needed to hurry?

“A bat-toothed lunatic, that’s who,” Magnus answered (he often answered his own questions; a egotistical relic from childhood). He snickered, poking the vampire’s arm with the blunt of his mace. It quickly grew into a loose laugh as he shook his head, leaving the bedroom.

The arm he’d poked had begun to melt into dust.

The castle’s labyrinthine make was of little difficulty to navigate when entering, but after the matter of the bounty, it seemed impossible.

Upon first trespassing, Magnus made note of the path to the duke’s room: 2 lefts, a right, down the under hall, and up the spiral steps. From there, accessing the sleeping chamber was a simple affair, all thanks to a hidden entrance just outside of the bedroom’s door. Yet now, only minutes after going inside the chamber, everything seemed scrambled.

“Bloody vampires,” he gritted, and started off down the hallway. To make matters worse, the secret entrance had disappeared too. “Even post-mortem, they make things hard.”

These grumbling continued for a while as the maze closed in around him (cussing inevitably following suit). A window here, a suit of armor there… but suddenly, they’re gone? Something wasn’t adding up for the mercenary.

Panic began to set in. Without a safe drop from a window, Magnus was stuck on the highest floor. He started to jog in laps around the halls, darting through rooms he’d already explored in search of something new. He began to hyperventilate, dancing between taking his chances with jumping through a window after all or staying put. He brushed these thoughts aside, continuing down a manic trail, rounding and rounding in circles.

Finally, he stopped. Before Magnus was a grand dining hall, one impossible to have missed earlier.

‘Wasn’t another hallway here?’ He thought, though nonetheless entered. At the end was a pair of diverting staircases leading to 2 exits upon a miniature second floor. Both were lit by hallowing red candlelight, but only the left door had –

“The rope!” Magnus said happily, fist pumping slightly. He’d fastened a white knot around one of the first doors he’d encountered when first entering. While he had doubted its use in navigating the corridors prior, Magnus silently thanked himself over and over while he ran to the final checkpoint.

Suddenly, just before him, smoke began to coil and build. A tower of navy mist spiraled up in front of the adventurer, hitting the ceiling and stretching outwards like a tree. It churned for a few moments, eyes of demons visible through the vortex’s cracks. They screamed in agony, briefly stabbing claws towards Magnus’ chest.

Then, just as soon as it started, the smoke started to adjourn, wafty puffs slowly dissipating into the warmly-lit room once again. Amidst the ruckus of knocked-over furniture from the wind’s appearance, Magnus’ eyes were soon acclimated to the world once again.

“Magnus,” a voice calmly said, “it’s been some time, I opine?”

“Dracula.” Magnus tightened his grip on his whip.

“You appear to be stuck, given your…less than collected bravado.”

“I’m fine. Really – there’s a door leading to the front gate right over the-!” He started, then gasped. The doors had disappeared, replaced with the same thick stone bricks that surrounded the rest of the castle. “B-bu… wha-?”

“This is a tricky set of corridors. Tsk.” Dracula shook his head. “Everyone knows a vampire’s lair becomes the bloodsucker’s tomb once slain. Not only theirs though, but anyone else’s who is found inside.”

“Never mind that!” Magnus roared. “Where’s the exit! You really can’t be telling me that-”

“You’re trapped?” Dracula replied. “Unfortunately, yes.”

At this point, Magnus began to panic further, eyes darting around the walls for a potential escape route.

“Please, Dracula. Is there any way to get out of here?”

“Well…Dracula trailed off, “there is…one way out.”

. . .

“Alright, so (oh, let’s see here)…er, do I jump with B?”

“No, n- here, you jump with A, and melee attack with B,” Magnus interjected, leafing through the manual. “Yeah, then switch your weapon with Y, and reload with X.”

“Oh, right. Uh…okay, I think I can…” Dracula paused, “I think I can do this. Give the magazine here, I wanna reference it.

“What? Dude, this, ahem, journal is vintage, 2001 vintage. You’re lucky I’m unsheathing it from my binder already.”

“I’d hardly expect the first ‘Halo’ game to garner such an occultist fanbase,” Dracula sniffed. He happily watched the Master Chief run around in circles, all while Jackal Snipers shot at him.

“See, this…this i-is fun, man!” He happily stammered.

“God, man…” Magnus groaned. Still, he grabbed a second controller.

And the two new friends played and laughed all day long.